The Last Post

I have really enjoyed myself on our little ride. The puffing and panting, the rain, the wind, the idiot drivers, the shocking road surfaces and the aching backside will not be the main memories. They will be replaced by the scenery, the wild life, the people and places where we stayed. Even dressing in Lycra for that long will be forgotten. I will however, never forget the crucial part played by Sudocrem.

Now it is all over I will have to revert back to a more sensible diet and it is going to be hard. Fifteen Full English or Scottish breakfasts have been a bit of a treat. We really have eaten what we liked including cake with morning and afternoon breaks and a full lunch and dinner. The energy bars that were bought have remained largely uneaten due to their tasting like pooh and the availability of chocolate.

Cycling for 5 ½  hours a day for fourteen days with the same companion has resulted in some strange and amusing conversations. The back-up team has caught us laughing at stuff that I am sure they could not find funny. On several occasions it was inferred that we were in fact, due to the arduous nature of our task, on the edge of hysteria. This of course is not true as we always found our drivel to be erudite, pertinent and humorous. Ha......Ha Ha......Ha Ha Ha! 

Is there going to be another challenge, well speak to Gary, as he was the fool who came up with this one. Signing off for the last time on this blog. Enjoy below a Glossary of Terms that have arisen on this trip and also a list of useless information !

Glossary of Terms

Draught;      Slipstreaming (don’t do this in the rain unless very thirsty)     

Dietary Supplements;     in our case, taken totally inadvertently, because it’s difficult to keep your mouth closed whilst panting up a hill.

Take the weight off your twer’nt;      The clean version being that the twer’nt is the place where a gentleman’s anatomy comes into contact with the saddle.

“Oi   …..ing get back here!”     Gary’s attempt at talking to the animals. ( A deer made off before he could bring the camera on his phone to bear.)

Defunct Airline;   To describe a particularly difficult hill. (Not BEA, the other one.)

A Bell Ringer;    A pothole severe enough for my bell to ring by itself.

Useless Information

Cycled 1044 miles

Average speed 14.2 mph

Average cadence ( speed we turned the pedals per minute ) was 80 throughout the period

Average daily mileage on bike 73.5

Average time in saddle daily 5.17 hours

Total time in saddle 72.3 Hours

Total turns on pedals 347830 each !!

Total counties passed through 20

Overall mileage 2400 driven by support van

Our views on the accommodation and restaurants sampled over the two weeks

Best B & B - Muddifords Court Country House, Cullompton, Tiverton http://www.muddifordscourtcountryhouse.co.uk/

Best Breakfast - Hilton Lodge, Dornoch
www.hiltonlodgebedandbreakfast.co.uk/

Best Dinners - Red Lion, near St Tudy.  Douglas Arms, Langholm and Luigis in Dornoch  http://www.luigidornoch.com/

Best View -  Ben Loyal Hotel, Tongue
http://www.benloyal.co.uk/

Best Shower - Ye Olde Talbot, Worcester
www.oldenglishinns.co.uk/worcester/

Best Bath - Muddifords Court Country House, Cullompton, Tiverton

Biggest Bed - Hilton Lodge, Dornoch

Best Duvet - Border House, Langholm

Smallest Bed and Shower - Sunnybank, Sennen and Border House, Langholm

Longest wait for dinner - Ye Olde Talbot, Worcester

Best Value for Money - Preston Premier Inn for B/B and dinner.

Friendliest/Most Helpful Staff - The Garth, Granton on Spey, Premier Inn, Preston and Muddifords, Thrumpster House, Wick. 
www.garthhotel.com/

Award for faded glory, Thrumpster House, Wick, Scotland www.thrumster.co.uk/

Best impression of chocolate box B&B pipped at the post for best breakfast, Polrode Guest House, St Tudy, Cornwall www.polrodeguesthouse.co.uk/

Day 14 - John o'Groats

The Final Leg….

Yes the sun was shining on us today, and we have to say the views from the rooms at the hotel of choice were superb to say the least, with water to one side and fantastic mountain ranges to the other.

Our day finished yesterday at the top of Bettyhill, where the ever faithful support crew collected us, this time we travelled west wards to a hotel for the overnight stay in a place called Tongue, a venue the girls had researched and as said earlier the views were well worth it.

We were reliably informed by locals, that the route we had mapped out along the north coast was truly rewarding, the small but valid point that had been missed out on the praise of our decision was b....y Hills again, lots of them, but hey we are getting very very used to them now !!!.

We had decided to take a small deviation to the route to visit Dunnet Head, which is in fact for the uninitiated, the most northerly point of mainland Britain, and yes they only way to get to it is strangely up a 5 mile long hill, and obviously into a northerly wind, the benefit if you can call it that , is it is downhill on the way back.

After our detour we resumed our course to John O’ Groats, now firmly on the last leg of the journey, all quite excited that we were now going to achieve the goal of End to End.

We finally crossed the line at about 3.30pm, still enjoying the luxury of sunshine, it soon became apparent that absolutely no expense was ever budgeted for in making the most of this natural tourist attraction, apart from the fact that for the first time in days we were able to enjoy a Costa Coffee, how’s that for timing ?

Have since obviously opted for champagne though.

This brings us to the end of our End to End journey, we did it, and we are very proud of the fact we didn’t walk a step, not bad for a couple of old farts on  tour………

Please note :

This blog has not quite finally ended just yet, as we will also be posting a few thoughts / observations that have happened during the course of our journey, and naturally the listing the obligatory useless facts that none of you will be the slightest bit interested in.

The Old Farts and the very very patient and efficient support crew , whom both Chris and I owe a great deal to

59 miles average speed 14.0 mph

Day 14: Bettyhill - John O'Groats

Boys Completed at 15.25 this afternoon update to follow

Day 13 Dornoch to Bettyhill.

The boys getting ready for their penultimate day.

Another very good B&B with probably the best breakfast so far, certainly the biggest, most comfortable bed.
The day took us to the North coast but was surprisingly flat only rising from sea level to 200 metres,but across some very empty space. Good progress was made although the wind which was billed as westerly was stubbornly against us, hence our 13.9 average.

Coffee was had at The Shin Falls Visitor Centre, a miracle created by the Scottish Tourist Board. The falls themselves were not very high, in fact on some of the days we have been up steeper torrents of water. Salmon have nothing on us when it comes to getting upstream.

We made lunch at a place, I use the term place in the loosest possible way, called the Crask Inn, it was truly miles from anywhere. It was just cliche after cliche. The building was really a house which had apparently not been decorated since the fifties and had a bar placed in one of the rooms. There were no lights on anywhere, presumably to save money.The proprietor was a dour Scot dressed in full dirty farmer's garb including outdoor boots and tatty jumper.

There was no menu and he said that he could manage toasted sandwiches and that there was soup although maybe not enough for four. The soup on arrival turned out to be leek and potato which our host whilst serving, managed to put his not too clean thumb, in all three bowls.When it came to paying he, just made it up and we did have a conversation in which our jokes fell on deaf ears and he actually said "We don't have fun here."

Most of the day was travelled on an A-road which had passing places, see pics. it was so empty that even the RAF seem to avoid it as too boring.

I have learnt a serious lesson today; don't try to turn on your rear light whilst in motion without looking. I have retained all my fingers, but it was close.

                     

In the Ben Loyal Hotel which has fabulous views and no hot water. Last day tomorrow 50 miles to JO'G and of course the last few hills.

68 miles. Average 13.9 mph

Day 12 Grantown on Spey - Dornorch

After a superb meal at the Garth Hotel (Angus Steaks) and a good nights rest, we awoke to glorious sunshine and readied ourselves for the near closing section of our adventure.

Sunscreen on, shades to protect the eyes, Chris and I were off.  We got a good 4 miles before it was too cold and we put our jackets on.  Never mind though, not raining, and we had a pretty good idea of where we were going, only 2 turn offs to the coffee point. 

Well, I know you ar not going to believe it, but we only managed to get 50% of these right!! Yup, we missed the second one! We asked a "local" cyclist.  He knew where we needed to go and sent us off in the wrong direction.  This time though even our ever patient support crew missed it, phew!!

Another route was rapidly discussed, meeting up for coffee and cakes as per the norm. Guess what? the heavens opened!

Midway through yesterday, and somewhat frustratingly, my digital readout developed an intermittant fault at just under 800 miles, so we will now be using Chris's for the rest of the trip.

We have now arrived at Dornoch, having completed over 900 miles, with a little over 150 to go.  We have seen our first sign saying John O Groats, and with that our journey continues tomorrow.

76 Miles Average speed 14.1 mph

Day 11 Braemar to Grantown-on-Spey

We overnighted in the Fife Arms which had apparently last been refurbished in the reign of the Old King.

We managed to annoy two coach loads of touring pensioners from Glasgow by accidentally pushing in the breakfast queue and set off relatively early in sunshine. Bizarre I know, but we could see the hills and everything.  We even went in short sleeves!

Off we pedalled for what was supposed to be a short day, so happy that we immediately cocked up on the navigation front. Now you have to believe that this is not easy when there are only three roads within 2 million acres of this part of Scotland, but we cycled blithely on for about two miles before we realised.

We retraced our tyre tracks to the correct route which consisted of a very small B-road to UP. It really was very up, so up in fact that when we got to the top the RAF tornados looked as though they were below us. We still haven’t walked uphill which is not bad for two old farts.

We passed through The Lecht Ski area which along with Glenshee  yesterday, reminded me not to ski in Scotland. We did however wonder, how much we could get for a snow cannon on E-bay as there were several just lying around doing nothing.

After The Lecht we had a lovely run down to Toumintal for coffee and cake then a quite hilly run to here.

I really do have to stop now and go somewhere else as somebody has started to play the Bagpipes, no honestly right outside the window. It proves to me that the only way to listen to bagpipes is through binoculars.
49 miles. 13.1 average

Day 10 North Queensferry – Braemar

The day starts well, no wind to speak of, dry but overcast, what could possibly go wrong……!!!

Reading the map just too easy after 700 miles!  Well we thought it would be a good idea to deviate slightly as it seemed a much better idea.  Nope, bad idea, especially if you don’t realise for little while!!  Fortunately our back up crew was able to meet up with us and sustain us with coffee and biscuits. No problem there then!

Lunch followed in Blairgowie after which we returned to the van to refill water bottles and yes you guessed it, it started to rain and rain and rain, real wet stuff.  Nothing for it we would have to press on.  So off we went …… down the wrong road…….twice in one day!

We only went some 4/5 miles down the road (couldn’t see for the rain), this time though we were the wrong side of a very large hill and our only option was over the top with the rain running rivers down the roads at us.  Eventually we managed to get back onto the right road and were met by our trusted support crew, who again, after much mirth and reference to crap map reading abilities, gave us coffee and biscuits to warm us up.

Now all we had to do was the main challenge of the day, a 2200 foot climb up an over The Spittal of Glenshee.  Easy eh! Wind in your face and a 1:10 gradient.  Took a number of goes to get up that, but we did and still no walking, what an achievement.  We were rewarded with incredible views through the valley on the way down, including deer on the hillside.

A short note to finish off with  “Happy Birthday ta ye Dunc” love the old farts and the trusty support team xxx

More to follow as our journey now nears its end.

90 miles 13.3mph

Day 9 Westerkirk to North Queensferry

Our first full day in Scotland started, of course, in rain varying from ‘that very wet stuff’….thank you Helen, to the sort of deluge that Noah was told to expect. No surprises there then, nor were we surprised by the hills which were long. I suppose we shouldn’t really have been surprised by the lack of people but we really saw no one for an hour and a half and the first car we saw was a Hillman Minx circa 1968. It fitted right in.

When it stopped raining and the mist cleared, we realised that the scenery is quite impressive and mostly up with a few ‘WEE’ moments down. The road surfaces varying from exceptionally good to I’d rather be on a cattle grid. There was at least one pothole today that made my bell ring by itself.

At some stage we came across a Tibetan Buddhist centre complete with ornate temple! Incongruous was the word that sprang to mind. A little later we saw signs to an observatory. Considering the local weather, futile was the word I thought of.

We were sustained throughout the day with tea by the back-up team, there being no Burger vans. They left us for the afternoon to find our way through Edinburgh and across the Fourth Bridge to our Hotel which was about 20 yards off the other end.

81 Miles Average Speed 14.4 mph

Day 8 Kirkby Stephen to Westerkirk

After the gruelling that Chris and I endured yesterday, climbing what to us was the biggest and longest hill we have ever undertaken or could imagine was actually tarmacked, we woke to a fresh day with renewed enthusiasm for the challenge we have still in front of us.

With chains cleaned and re-oiled, we set out with hearts high and legs re energised………. well that lasted a good 500 meters to the 1^st of what was to become the norm of the day….. yes hills, how jolly lucky !!!!

Up and down, up and down, until we were met by our trusty support crew some 25 miles or so down the trail to enjoy tea, coffee and copious portions of chocolate cake to keep up our energy levels.

The day progressed on towards a small place called Carlisle, with views of all manner of wildlife, seeing sheep being sheared, even a newly born calf, this itself caused us a little consternation as the rest of the herd appeared to us to be black , and this little chappie was ginger, possibly a little explaining to do at some stage???

Due to intermittent telephone reception we have also bought along our vhf radios, useless is our opinion, apart from the comedy aspect of radio transmissions, the one that made us smile was from out of the blue, a single transmission “ Potatoes are nearly ready “  to whom this was addressed we have yet to find out.

As we headed north out of Carlisle we used a road called the A7, that for the record has to be the most unkind road surface a cyclist could ever wish to use, not only was it bumpy, the weather chose to haunt us with north winds and yes to top it all it poured down incessantly , marvellous !!!

But hey we hit the sign, not literally, that we had been chasing down SCOTLAND, yippee

Our girls had gone ahead to the B& B and organised more tea and chocolate to boost our now battered bodies, only to throw us out gain to finish the last 10 miles up hill in pouring rain, the trail was called “the prehistoric trail”, just a little like the road surfaces….

Watch out for more of the day - glo duo’s journey northwards

 71 miles. 14.2 mph

Day 7: Preston - Kirkby Stephen

Watts is sacked as Head of Security. Went down to the van, to find that he thought Preston dodgy enough to lock the bikes together in the back for the first time. The only person able to unlock them was a Locksmith with an angle grinder. He was expensive but fairly prompt.

We therefore set off a little late, but proceeded to cruise on easy terrain to Kirkby Lonsdale with a stop near Glasson for cream and jam with a small scone attached. After having done about 160 miles my brother Roger left us here. Great for you to have travelled with us.

The morning’s good weather continued into the afternoon but the terrain changed dramatically. We had the choice of two routes to Garsdale Head Railway Station: An ‘A’ road or the slightly longer pretty route through Dent. Wrong, very wrong. The hill out of Dent is steep as in precipitous and long as in War and Peace. We didn’t walk but we did stop and we really needed a few more gears. Our first serious challenge.

The Station at Garsdale Head is just down off a very barren moor in the middle of nowhere. It is the one of the highest Stations in the UK and has very little habitation around it and yet the only sign visible as you approach is ‘Overflow Car Park this way’.  That’s Britain for you.  

The halfway point has been reached and we have quite an arduous day tomorrow, to Westerkirk which is apparently in Scotland, which is apparently, another Country.

Tune in for more drive. 

 74 miles

Day 6. Audlem to Preston

First we would like to apologise for the delay in posting, but we have intermittent internet access.

Today we were again blessed with relatively flat terrain, however the road surfaces were not as kind, and this manifested itself in giving our behinds somewhat testing time.

Because of the chosen routes Chris and I designed to get from Land’s End to John ‘ Groats (White road and B roads) we are seeing so much more of the beautiful countryside. We even crossed the original Manchester Ship Canal Bridge today, again we crossed for free!

One of the more noticeable things we are coming across is the change of the local accents, which we are finding hilarious, if potentially foreign, and very difficult to understand.  That having been said, whilst we were standing enjoying a well-earned rest, and an ice cream, a van turned round in front of us and the window came down and a local gentleman shouted out “Aye up lads, your cobblers are hanging out”!!, and with that drove off!!  As you may have noticed we do wear some tight fitting lycra shorts.

Onwards we rode having checked our attire, comfortable in the knowledge that we were in fact a credit to the cycling clothing industry and modelling thereof.

Preston …………. What can we say, it’s dark!!  Although the Premier Inn was just like Lenny Henry said, we were impressed. Great meal, great company and legs and bums holding up…… which is no bad thing. Tomorrow is the half-way point, being 7 days into a 14 day trip, which means the plan appears to be working.

Also, Chris and I would like to take our hats off to Roger (Chris’s brother), who completed the whole day with us.  Chris and I actually had to ask him to slow down so we would not burn out!  Well done Roger.

78 miles average speed 14.7 miles per hour

Day 5. Worcester to Audlem:

After Cornwall and Devon, a not very hilly day.  In fact we’re thinking of doing 1000 miles backwards and forwards in Worcestershire and Shropshire and calling it a day.

We managed to dodge the main shower of the day having a coffee and chocolate in Bewdley , another very pretty town. It was fun here, to watch an old person, who was clearly either senile or blind or both, try to steady himself before crossing the road on one of our bikes propped up against a signpost.

We were joined for the second half of the day by my brother Roger, who will be with us until the middle of Friday. There’s a brave man, where are the rest of our friends and family? I know sensibly not cycling anywhere.

The weather was fine today and we were able to fully appreciate the miracle of the early industrial age that is the Iron bridge at well…. Ironbridge, but being pig ignorant gluttons we may remember the ‘Belly Busters’ sandwiches at the Robin Hood more.

Average for the day 14.6 76 miles

Day 4: Bristol to Worcester

 It could not have possibly start with a hill or could it!

Yep you're right, tired legs what a great way to start. We wended our way out of Bristol heading towards the Severn Bridge.  Pretty uneventful but the Bridge was spectacular.  Pictures are attached.  As we all know Wales is the other side and it is the only time we have gone into Wales and not had to pay for anything. Fortunately we were in and out in twenty minutes chased by half a dozen sheep and an angry farmer!! My only worry now is how to get the dye off Chris's legs!!

As we made haste northwards our exit was impaired by Chris fantically waving his helmet in the air complaining that there was a wasp in his hat!!!  My worry this time was that we were doing over 25 miles per hour.  I have also found Chris to be a liar, he told me there were no hills, and there were, big ones.

We have now realised Worcestershire folk are experts in weather predication, Chis and I were enlightened by one of these, as follows:  " The rains coming boys, hurry up".  Chris and I were somewhat bemused as we  had looked up ad worked it out for ourselves, also hurry up to where, as John O Groats is still 700 plus miles away.

We met out dear friend John for lunch, dinner and apparently also for breakfast.

71miles. Average speed today was 15.2mph which was considerably faster than the waiting staff and the chef at the hotel dinner.

Day 3: Cove, near Tiverton to Bristol.

Left the absolute lap of luxury at Muddifords , a B&B like no other,  after a cracking full English.

The weather was fine and we had the wind with us. The day was uneventful until we got to Cheddar. We had only a bit of wildlife to contend with; a swarm of freeloading flies seemed to take to my day glow top and a suicidal lizard crossed our path. We also saw a red squirrel…. Ok it was bright red only in places and very flat.

At Cheddar it all kicked off well, the gorge happened. It’s quite steep I’ll have you know, and today it was very wet too. We managed it and Gary was so pleased with himself he forgot to read his map and disappeared down the wrong road before I could stop him and there was of course no signal on the phone. We eventually tied up and sailed into Bristol not too tired. 

 77 miles.Average speed for the day; 14.7 mph

Day 2 : St Tudy - Cove Tiverton

Dawned bright and dry, tyres pumped, chains oiled and suitably replete, the intrepid duo set out. We should have known better when the ride started with a hill climb out of the driveway of Polrode Cottage and the next 6 ½ miles we seemed to climb for at least 7. We saw numerous options on wind farms and even contemplated taking on a Police speed trap, sadly manned by volunteers on Fathers Day!

Launceston, aka the Capital of Cornwall whilst historic, was closed. However our trusty support crew saw round this and set up camp at Tesco which to Chris and I looked like a Pikey site. When we rode out of there heading towards Okehampton we cycled the complete length of West Devon Driveway.

Over the next few hours we saw many fabulous views and sights such as birds of prey and certain evidence of inbreeding at local hostelries. We ended the day some 70 plus miles later sitting on rocks, imitating gnomes as the girls drove by. Our overriding memory of day 2 could only be hills, hills and more hills.

Day 3 must be easier?

Day 1 : Lands End - St Tudy

A day of highly changeable weather and beautiful scenery, made challenging by the roller coaster hills. Welcome to Cornwall where every day is ‘Talk like a pirate’ day.

We started off in rain interspersed with heavy showers which made everything a little bleak but as the day progressed, the weather improved. We have to mention that the wind was very strong and in the right direction mostly. It is the first time we have felt ourselves blown uphill…bring it on.

77.8 miles covered and we are feeling it. Just under a thousand to go.

We are resting in a lovely old mill house B&B where the only thing that’s level is the bath water. Great breakfast.  Launceston, Okehampton and  Tiverton to come.

We have arrived !!!!!!!!!

And we thought cycling was going to take some time, we have now sampled most of the great british climate options just getting here, 280 miles takes 8 hours??........ yeah right, well yes it does, traffic jams, costa coffee stops, wee stops, rain like we have not seen in a while, but we are here.

 Had a peak at the starting point, a little blowy would an understatement, but the nice thing is it is blowing in the right direction !!!!, bet that changes tomorrow morning.  Just had dinner in a superb restaurant  and yes the sun came out......for a few moments anyway, we have the evidence as you can see.

Looking forward to starting the real work tomorrow when we get on the bikes, little do the girls know we are driving and they are cycling.

watch this space for more

Three More Sleeps

The training completed, bikes are ready, map route marked out all that is left is to load up the van and hit the road on Friday for the trip down to Lands End. Early start Saturday morning as we are reliably informed that there are a few hills between us and our first destination!!!  Hope you will join us on our journey and look forward to your comments to keep us going.